Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
