about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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