took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
ttyl tear gas
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
