I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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