Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
