god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
