I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So many bounce houses so little time
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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