Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
