It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she told me i tasted like america
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
