I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
