I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
