so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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