when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
