So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
