how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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