sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
