my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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