RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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