We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
