genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
