She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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