She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
