if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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