Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
