that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize