69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
