I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
