He is such a slut. More and more my type.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
