Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize