All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
