dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
