Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
