yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
