Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she looked like the before picture.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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