i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
