come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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