Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
being pregnant is like rehab
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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