I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
