i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
