i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
