He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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