Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
