walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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