in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
