Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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