did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
