She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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