I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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