Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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