I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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