I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
