How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
