hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
