my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
