how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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