Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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