Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
