yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
