Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
