i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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