Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
