fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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