my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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