The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
