just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
