I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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