hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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