Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
