$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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