Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
