I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
