Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
