his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
