8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Randomize