yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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