your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
