dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize