Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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