I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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