Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize