you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She told me I should be a condom model.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
