I must be too annoying 4 u.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize