I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
