apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
