I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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